So I wanted to just talk on here about something I do not talk about much as I feel like this blog is about my passions so I don’t want to make it a negative place. However, I’ve seen a lot of people on Facebook sharing a post about “whoring out your undiagnosed mental disorder” and it has got to me so I thought I’d share my story.
So every since I was little I have always found I stressed out about small things. I never knew why and sometimes I’d find myself in a panic and I wouldn’t know why or what that was about but I knew it wasn’t a normal reaction. I then had my first panic attack when I was around eight years old. I was ill at the time anyways and I remember not being able to breathe and the feeling of panic come over me was uncontrollable. It was a feeling I wouldn’t wish anyone to feel, my mom and dad didn’t know what was going on so called an ambulance. I remember they told me I was ill but didn’t tell me what happened or what it was. It was only when I was older that I realised.
So when I got to high school I didn’t really have any problems until I was doing my exams. I would get to the point where I was having a break down everyday! I would try to revise for an exam and then stress about how much I knew and then not get anything done. However, it wasn’t too bad at this point it was just a little bit of anxiety and then it would go away.
The worst point was in sixth form where it got so bad that if I didn’t feel in control of a situation then I would panic. I wouldn’t get trains by myself because I was scared I would miss my stop, if someone said they would be there for a particular time and they weren’t I would panic and get frustrated! At exam points these things were magnified like crazy. It got to the point where I started googling it, the symptoms so high racing, panic and fear of everything and found out about anxiety disorders. As soon as I saw this I knew I would have to go to the doctors but I put it off so much, I know the feeling of being anxious about needing to sort out your anxiety. It’s a horrible circle you get yourself in where every day you’re full of dread.
So eventually after months I went to the doctors and they diagnosed me as having a Generalized Anxiety Disorder. However, all they did was give my strong anti-depression tablets which they were going to up the dosage of to the point where I felt I would be dependent on them. So I decided against it, I decided to try and find other methods like not drinking as much caffeine, getting enough sleep and things like that which helped a little.
The real help I got was when I got to university. I knew because of the new change I got to the point where I couldn’t get a train because I thought I’d miss my stop and not know where it went. Luckily my university do this mental health service where you can talk to a psychologist and that’s when I felt I was actually diagnosed. After a few sessions of going through my anxiety and ways to work through it, I finally understood it and what I had to do.
I want to make it clear that not many people are as lucky as me to have the free mental health service I got offered by the university. Therefore, the stigma and to say those “whoring out” their “undiagnosed” mental illness is just unfair and adds to the stigma as you don’t know what people do. Many people reading this may not have known that the whole time at uni I have been dealing with this. Mental illness should be seen like any other illness and sadly there’s just not enough money going in to helping so many people my age dealing with this.
Be kind to everyone!
I hope my story has helped people and I hope people take that step to find the appropriate help and support they need.
Thanks for reading!